Xander (The Nova Force Book 1) Read online

  “Appreciate it. Was that the CO I saw you come in with? Looks like he’s living it up.” Gareth peered down at the dancers.

  Xander laughed and nodded. “He’s as much of a ladies’ man as ever.”

  “I think he’s having enough fun for both of us.”

  “You’re young. Why aren’t you dancing along with them?”

  Gareth shook his head. “You’re not much older than I am, si—”

  “We can leave the sir and title on the ship, Gareth. Please. I’m just Xander right now. A sad man drinking all by my lonesome because my friend intends to abandon me and fuck two hot ladies. Probably at the same time. He likes to live dangerously.”

  Gareth laughed. “I’m not much of a dancer, and it’s nice to get away from the ship’s two-drink limit sometimes.”

  Xander raised his glass in a silent toast. “I don’t mind dancing. Just not this sort of stuff.”

  They spent most of the night tossing back drinks while Gareth pretended he had enough sobriety to shoot pool. What he lacked in dexterity, he made up for with humor, and Xander realized he’d come to really like him in the handful of weeks since his arrival on the Jemison.

  Suddenly, three hours had passed and Gareth was well on his way to needing someone to carry him back to the ship.

  And still eager to play bar games.

  “Aw, don’t tell me you’re too much of a coward to play Guess That Drink. C’mon, Xander.”

  Xander snorted. “No, I’m too smart to play it.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll wait ’til you’re drunk then ask again.”

  Before Xander could warn Gareth that he’d be waiting a while, raucous laughter reached them from the adjacent game table, where the drunken group of marines in civilian clothing made more noise than the pounding music.

  Viljoen and Etherington were among the revelers, which told Xander everything he needed to know about that crowd.

  “So I have to ask, and if you don’t want to say anything, I’ll understand, but what’s the deal with Commander Viljoen?”

  “Don’t get me started on that bastard,” Gareth muttered. “If you’re not in a skirt or some prick who hefts around heavy things, Viljoen won’t give you the time of day.”

  “Ah.” Should have known as much.

  “The man knows his job. That much I can say positively about him, but he’s… brutal in his methods.”

  Xander made a noncommittal grunt and finished his drink. “You enjoy the rest of your time off, Gareth. Gonna head back to the ship.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But I didn’t get a chance to outdrink you.”

  “It wasn’t happening. Trust me.” He clapped his friend on the back. “C’mon, I’ll walk you back and we can plan a rematch.”

  Like most ships, the Jemison followed Universal Standard Time, which was a 24-hour day set to their original world’s 365-day year. The UNE hadn’t yet discovered the perfect duplicate of Old Earth’s cycle and orbit patterns, but its calendar was a popular tool used aboard ships to help regulate the work day and keep track of time.

  At 0300, after helping Gareth to his rack, Xander had nothing better to do than dominate the crew lounge. He loved ancient movies and especially enjoyed comparing the science fiction films prior to 1980 to modern reality.

  The wee hours of the morning became a delicious reverie of bad acting, terrible special effects, and deep-fried bread products. He’d have to hit the gym the next night to make up for the perfect storm of calories.

  “Tea and cake at this hour? Really?”

  Xander nearly spilled tea all over his sweatshirt. His gaze darted toward Thandie’s voice and adjusted to the dim interior lighting. Desire struck him straight in the gut and it took every ounce of self-control he had to remain in his seat. Thandie studied him with an uncertain smile.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, Doc. Sir.”

  “It’s fine. You caught me deep in thought.” Those deep thoughts took a dangerous detour into wondering how it would feel to be balls deep inside her.

  I’ve had too much to drink for this. Shit. Deep breaths, man. You can do this.

  Except each breath filled him with her scent until his erection was a pounding, excruciatingly rigid presence beneath his popcorn bowl, and he didn’t dare to set it aside with her nearby.

  “Well, don’t mind me. Figured being bored here was better than being bored in my bunk. Least I can watch the sunrise.” She gestured to the large viewport and settled in the seat beside him. “Guess I’m not the only one with the idea, except you came prepared.”

  If there was a god, he must have hated Xander. He cleared his throat and offered her a snack cake. “Would you like one?”

  “Thanks. Er…” She took it while eyeing his pile of wrappers. “You know, for a doctor, this doesn’t look like a very healthy meal. Sweet tooth, huh?”

  “Are you implying I’m not in shape?” The incredulous tone of his voice accompanied a raised brow.

  “Sweats really aren’t the most flattering,” she quipped back while unwrapping her treat.

  The Lexar side of him took it as a challenge, commanding his hands, while his brain and the very human part of his body fought to regain control. Vainly, he adjusted his shirt above his abs and exposed lines of hard muscle. “Nope. Looks fine to me. I can refer you to the eye specialist if you want.”

  “They’re just fine, thanks.” Her carefully measured tone deflated his mood a little, too bland for him to easily determine whether she referred to her vision or his physique. “I’m surprised to see anyone awake, really. So, are you an early bird sort then?”

  “I don’t sleep for long usually, but the truth this evening is that I haven’t been to bed at all yet.”

  “Fun night out, huh?” Her expression brightened, and the twinkle returned to her beautiful eyes. He was lost in them, staring. “Doc?”

  He jumped. “Sorry. Lost my train of thought again. I was kidnapped and dragged away on liberty against my will by Bishop.” He hoped Ethan was in a ditch puking his guts out.

  “Ah, I see.” Thandie chuckled softly. “So… kidnapped. You don’t look too worse for wear.”

  “I have an unusually strong drinking constitution.”

  “Lucky you. All those colorful drinks knock me on my ass.”

  Xander’s mind took another improper turn, wondering how it would feel to have that gorgeous, perfectly rounded ass cupped in both of his palms.

  It was hell on him to think of her in any way that wasn’t sexual, and he hated himself for that.

  “So why aren’t you passed out in bed like a good escapee?” Thandie propped her chin on her upraised knees and regarded him with open and friendly amusement.

  “You make it sound like so much fun.”

  “Going out with friends is supposed to be, and you’re avoiding the question.”

  Xander chuckled. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to entertain myself with a good movie on the Holovision screen here. Normally, I volunteer to stay aboard and wait in medical for you people to come spilling in.”

  “You shouldn’t have more than a few drunks and busted lips, right?”

  “Oh yeah. Someone is bound to return with a broken nose or a couple of loose screws,” he agreed easily. He sipped his tea and stole a glance at her, aware of the urgency dulling from an intense throb to a tolerable ache. For a while, the comfortable silence had no interruptions save the rustling noise of pastry wrappers and the movie.

  “How’s the arm, by the way? I should have asked before our mission.”

  “It’s been good, thanks. The tenderness went away a couple days after you mauled me, and everything appears to be in working order. See?” Thandie held out her right hand and wriggled her fingers for his inspection. Xander set his tea aside and ran his fingers along her limb for a quick assessment. Nothing at the shoulder felt out of place and the joint smoothly rotated with guidance. Comfortable, natural warmth radiated from her fles
h. Even the fine hairs reacted beneath his fingertips. If not for his experience, Xander would never guess it wasn’t her natural-born arm.

  “Yeah, seems good again. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I had words with Commander Viljoen about his training methods. If you can avoid him in the ring, it’s for your best interest.” During his time as a doctor, Xander had met a lot of officers high on their own power trips. Daniel Viljoen didn’t impress him in the least. “I don’t think I’m on his Christmas list anymore.”

  Thandie eyed him dubiously. “Sorta hard to avoid the person who’s teaching you. That’d be like telling me to avoid you if my arm malfunctions.”

  “Heh. Well, you could, technically.” Xander realized that he still hadn’t released her arm or taken his hand from her shoulder, so he quickly dropped both hands and turned to face the movie.

  “Avoid you?” Thandie drew her arm back and clasped her hands loosely in her lap. “You’re the reason I chose this assignment.”

  Xander blinked. “Me?”

  “Well, not you exactly.” Hints of color flushed into her cheeks. “I just mean that they said one of the fleet’s leading cyberneticists would be aboard, so that swayed my decision when I was offered the assignment.”

  “Yeah. I graduated top of the training class when they sent a bunch of us off to get our certification. I guess cybernetics kind of resonates with me. I intend to finish out my career here until I’m as ancient as Oshiro. I’ve known him and the CO since my enlistment.”

  “So, you didn’t start out an officer. That’s actually sort of nice. Respectable. You must have enlisted young though, if you went on to school and became a doctor.”

  “You could say that. I enlisted at sixteen.”

  And he didn’t regret a day of it. Enlisting had gotten him off the streets and given him a home. He gazed through the window to pick up the first rose-pink shades of color spreading like coral fingers against the midnight skies.

  “Pretty, isn’t it?” Xander asked, smoothly directing the topic away from himself. The longer he remained in her presence, the easier it became to control his urges. Or maybe it was enough just to be in Thandie’s company and bask in her radiance, like a flower beneath the nourishing sun.

  “I’ve heard about the sunrise here, but it’s my first time to this planet. It really is beautiful. All the shifting colors are stunning.”

  Xander dared a glance over to see her enraptured gaze focused beyond the viewport. The gilded light bathed her face, bringing out the warmer highlights amidst her dark hair. His eyes lingered on her thoughtfully pursed lips and hazy fantasies of tasting them surfaced in his mind. That came to an abrupt, screeching halt when she turned her bright eyes toward him.

  “What? Do I have crumbs on my face?” She hastily wiped her lips and chin.

  “No,” he blurted. “Guess I’m daydreaming to make up for the sleepless night. I better get going.” Xander wadded up the wrappers and tossed them into the bin without looking at her again.

  “Oh. Well, at least you can sleep all day without worries.” She smiled up at him again. “Thanks for the snacks. Guess next time I bump into you it’ll be my time to share.”

  “For your references, I like anything with pecans,” he told her. “Unless they’re in chocolate.”

  “Pecans, no chocolate. Noted.”

  He stretched and ambled toward the door. He paused there and glanced back at her one final time. “Don’t you plan to do something on your liberty days?”

  “I’ll probably go out for a little bit with Saskia, but I have plans in Realm of Spellbound this evening, so…” She shrugged.

  “You play?”

  “Doesn’t everybody these days?” Thandie laughed softly and waved. “Get some sleep, Doc.”

  “You, too. See you around.” Because it was inevitable that he would see her again, which meant he had to figure out how to handle his reactions toward her.

  There wouldn’t always be a popcorn bowl to hide behind.

  Xander abandoned the idea of continuing liberty after he dragged himself from bed. Four hours of fitful sleep weren’t enough to recharge him for work, and he couldn’t legally scan into Medical for a shift when recently intoxicated, even if he did have a Lexar’s drinking constitution.

  After a few sleepless hours in his bed, he capitalized on the empty gym and private time with the heavy-weight machines. By lunch, he couldn’t stand it any longer and poked his head into the Medical department. Three crewmen waited in the lounge for treatment and looked as though they might hurl at any moment.

  “Hey, hot stuff, come back here and sit with me.”

  “Keeping busy, Kathleen?”

  She wrinkled her nose and frowned at him. “I’ve already tended several black eyes, one case of alcohol poisoning, and two people came in with Indari Blue Rash.” She paused a moment for dramatic suspense then added, “On their dicks.”

  Xander snorted back a laugh. There was no logical reason for anyone to have had a poisonous native fern anywhere near their privates. “Sounds like the usual. I’d be let down if we had anything less to look forward to. I promise I’ll be back on duty tomorrow.”

  “Of course you will. I want to get honking drunk, too, goddammit. I only stayed on today to help Oshiro.” She grinned brightly from ear to ear. “Even Lil takes a walk off the ship during liberty. Promised her we’d shop together tomorrow.”

  “I wish I’d spent the evening souvenir shopping instead of drinking. I feel like shit.”

  “You look like shit, too, Xander. You’re also not scheduled to return from liberty for another day. What happened?” Oshiro spoke up to announce his arrival, the small man lurking in the open passage between reception and the offices.

  Xander winced. “Nothing happened. Why do you always assume something’s happened? I only came to chat with Kath during her break.”

  “Because I know you. You throw yourself into work when you need a distraction from whatever foolish things you’ve done.”

  “I didn’t do anything yet…”

  “Oh? Now it is my lunch break, and Kathleen’s has ended. Come into my office and tell me about it.”

  “Damn, I miss the good stuff,” Hart teased as she waved him off.

  A padded armchair awaited Xander in the spacious office, and his old mentor poured him a cup of tea while he slouched in the comfortable seat.

  “Perhaps this will lighten your hangover troubles, as well,” Oshiro murmured.

  Concealing the truth from Oshiro was about as plausible as holding water in a leaky pot, so he accepted the tea and uttered his woes without further prompting. “Something is happening to me. Something unusual.”

  “Oh?” Oshiro’s brows drew together.

  “I met a nice young woman.”

  “Not so unusual.”

  “True, but what happens when she’s around is what’s unusual. I think I’ve been feeling the Lexar Mating Frenzy. Whenever she’s in my presence, I can barely see anything but her. I can’t smell anything but her. Every ounce of my attention hyper-focuses on only her and it takes all my concentration to notice anything else. It fades after a while, but only enough that I’m not pounding any male who looks at her into paste.”

  “That is unusual.” He set his cup aside and pulled up a screen on his terminal. “This has never happened before?”

  “No. Never. I didn’t think it was even possible, considering I’m half human.” He paused, then added, “And she’s human.”

  Oshiro blinked, a brief—incredibly fleeting—moment of surprise surfacing before his compassionate- therapist expression returned. “Is there trouble in that?”

  “She’s one of my patients.”

  “All on board the Jemison, even myself, could claim you as our doctor, son. There’s no protocol against relationships.”

  “You don’t understand. I put that arm on her a couple years back.”

  Oshiro raised both brows. “That means nothing. If she seems nice—”
r />   “I can think of other women who seemed nice, too, until they realized what was wrong with me. That I’m a freak of nature.”

  “Has she done anything to make you question her sincerity?”

  Xander shook his head. “No. She hasn’t.”

  “If the young woman has not shaken your trust, what else is there to bother you?”

  “It’s… Ylona. Barely a year has passed and looking at other women feels like betrayal.” His throat tightened even as he said the words. His genes were playing a cruel trick on him, forcing an attraction to a young woman who deserved more than a broken half of a man. “She brought me out of a dark place, and now she’s gone because of me.”

  “Experience is the mother of wisdom, Xander. Your troubling past has made it difficult for you to trust again. Perhaps you are correct to give it time, but you must also consider taking opportunities when they are given to you.”

  “You sound like an ancient Chinese master in a bad historical martial arts flick.”

  “Japanese. My ancestors came from Japan. Not China. Now, what would your Eloran say, were she present to guide you?”

  Xander glanced away without giving a verbal answer. Unyielding discomfort settled in the pit of his stomach. Twisting. He already knew the answer to that. Ylona would be distraught to know her memory had become a hindrance. “She’d tell me to be happy again.”

  The older doctor spread his hands and smiled gently. “I would listen to her.”

  “I can’t. She’d be alive and well on her home planet if not for me.”

  “And you would have never known her love. What happened to Ylona was nothing more than a terrible accident, but an unpredictable accident, nonetheless.”

  “She boarded that ship to surprise me. If I hadn’t voluntarily deployed again, I’d have been home with her. She died a terrible, excruciating death because of my choice.”

  “No one could have known what would happen, Xander. You were away serving your duty to the galaxy, and she loved you for that. It is natural to feel pain, to grieve, to mourn, and no one—not even me—can limit your time to heal. Just remember that Ylona made her choice, and she chose you.”